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BDSM aftercare

Why is aftercare important in a BDSM session?

Aftercare is an important issue that is frequently asked about.

A BDSM session can not only be physically but also emotionally stressful for the submissive / masochistic partner. After a session, which can take a long time, he/she often feels down. The body is flooded with adrenaline and endorphins, which suddenly subside. Also, the excitation curve falls off.

Many bottoms now need the so-called aftercare. It differs, depending on the relationship of the two. In any case, the partner should feel safe and protected. He/she is usually not immediately able to get dressed and return to the world. The experience must sink in, be processed. The first step is not to be alone and to feel that someone is there to whom he/she is still important after his/her orgasm.

In a committed relationship, the subservient is often in great need to feel that he/she is still loved, though he/she may have felt differently before. A humiliation, beatings, shackles, pain and anxiety suddenly appear in a different light. It creates the link that this was done out of love and lust. Aftercare can be a wonderful shared experience.

It is also important in a game relationship. Even if the partner is only present for the sexual, aftercare is still necessary. It creates a closeness that does not change the position of the partners but enables the top to show strength again. He is now the protector who watches over the sub. Trust is important in SM / BDSM, which is confirmed by aftercare.

After using a safe word, aftercare is particularly important. A situation has arisen that was difficult and necessitated a termination. After that, talks and closeness are urgently needed to make it clear that this was not really a threatening situation and that the dominant part has everything under control. Again, confidence arises, which is necessary for further development.

There are varieties that deliberately omit aftercare. It is desired that the partner feels used and left alone. This is dangerous, and the dominant partner has to be very careful with it. It's hard to tell if the submissive partner can handle such treatment well. The master has great responsibility and should be aware of it.

What are techniques that can be used for aftercare? There are beautiful romantic descriptions of it: "He unties her, wraps her in warm sheets, cares for her wounds, and lets her fall asleep protectively on his lap." A nice description for those who like it romantic. But an hour-long ritual is not necessary. Body proximity and warmth are two important factors. Even if you have been in public before, it is important to bring the partner out into a protected environment. He/she should feel safe. It is desirable that the master asks several times if everything is alright. He/she should check and see if the partner is doing well. He/she may not be able to judge himself/herself after an extreme situation. It may be nice to make tea for the other person, or to provide him/her with something tasty. For a moment, the master may indicate that he/she has a soft and warm heart.

Only when it is quite certain that he/she can cope, the partner can say goodbye. But just when saying goodbye or leaving the apartment, the bottom can collapse. My personal recommendation: Be available for a while, as long as possible.

Once again, the dominant/sadistic part of this game has great responsibility that he/she should be aware of. He/she pushes another person to the limits. Great trust is needed for this to be allowed. We should not damage the trust but strengthen it. The strong part protects - here he/she can show this and prove that trust in him/her is justified.

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